Sometimes I feel like Mick Jagger.
Why is it that when I have the most, i am the least appreciative of it? Then... when I have not-so-much, i am even more quick to complain. One would probably be tempted to call me ungrateful or at the very least- unappreciative. It seems to grow in me during classic gift-giving holidays.
I have to tell you that I start my days hopeful- with the very best of intentions. Then, i inevitably find myself wishing (more these days) for something new or some situation to be different than it is. Why can't i just be content? Or, to use a less "churchy" word, happy.
Here's why: I sin. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, i can fool you no longer. I had you going 'til now- admit it. Besides that, i am restless. When you're as hyper and A.D.D. as i am, it becomes a force to be reckoned with. I simply like a lot of things. It does not line up with my environment of self-employment on the heels of joblessness and credit card debt, unfortunately. The problem I have with myself, this evening, is this- were my present situation different, would i behave differently? I think no. Reason being- there's always something newer, more fun, more exciting, more sexy, more... everything... and i am quick to be first in line asking for it.
I go to a great church that purposes to remind me of Scripture and the Gospel (the beauty of being saved from God's judgment because of Christ dying in my place) on a regular basis. Thats why i go there. Craig, my pastor, is very real and often is quick to point out his shortcomings. I appreciate it a lot. It reminds me it is ok to be honest with myself about my own. I'm tempted to think that, at this point, there's too much to fix in my restless, sinning heart... and too little time. Thank the Lord (literally) that its not the case.
Guess I'll hop off my soapbox of self-deprecation now. Just feels good to own up to the fact that I have character flaws and I'll never be satisfied. Me and Mick. Here's the only consolation:
"There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"... (rom 8:1)
2 comments:
i'm telling you...i couldn't have read this at a better time! in the midst of being reminded that there is now NO condemnation, it also comforts my soul to be reminded that i am not the only sinner out there! love you kk!
You pastor reminds me of mine!
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