Today I thought i was saying "goodbye" to my grandma. Maybe i was. i don't know.
She did not die today but the reality is this- its not far away. She had tears in her eyes from the hip pain she feels, hasn't eaten in a couple days and still won't drink any water. (She's been against water for most of my life... she even found a doctor once that backed her opinion that it was, actually, bad for her. ha.) Things looked really grim earlier. My nurse mama could tell that it wasn't time yet. We have a little while left, she thinks. Nevertheless, it got me remembering and i couldn't hold back the tears.
We sat there taking turns holding her tiny hand and talking (at) her. She did very little responding... at least for mom and me. She would barely open her eyes, actually. As soon as she heard dad's (her son-in-law) voice, she lit up! This, ladies and gentlemen, actually made the tears start! It was a glimpse of the woman i have always known! my grandmother is the largest flirt this world has known! There's this sweet old man at the "hope house" with her- she loves him! She simply always has had at thing for the men. It stands to reason that, in her last days, she responds to men! It was, actually, a comfort to me! Does that sound so strange, or what?!
I am encouraged tonight. exhausted (and starting to get sick, i think...) but encouraged. I know that, soon enough, my sweet grandmother will be out of pain and in the presence of her Savior... but I already miss her.
Tomorrow will give relief to the heaviness in my heart, i think. Til then- i'm remembering.
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