As i begin this post, i am tempted to do what i usually do... keep it light. make you laugh, etc. Tonight i have to just be honest and tell you whats going on inside of me. I was just reminded by my roommate that the capability to be honest is something i appreciate in others SO much- why would i not do the same?
so- if you do not enjoy the realities of a messy spirituality... you will probably want to stop reading now.
For the rest of you- here's what i am working through.
I tend to settle. In nearly every area of my life, my first tendency is to settle for the easier, more exciting, more comfortable, less difficult, more sexy options out there. I guess on some level it comes down to laziness- don't want to "put the work" in. I think that ultimately it is something bigger. Allow me to cut away to thoughts from the sermon tonight.
The passage we studied was Genesis 29 where we heard about Jacob's (pardon the expression) 'duping' by his father-in-law. Jacob was in love with Rachel but her father tricked Jacob into marrying her sister Leah first. Jacob worked for years and years to be with Rachel and she was his beloved. Leah is the one to be pitied in this story- destined to knowingly live as the less-loved wife. The crazy part of the story is how Jacob wakes up the morning after the first wedding and, surprise! he's now married to Leah instead of Rachel. What disappointment and confusion he must have felt.
Craig suggested, this evening, that anything we hope (in the deep sense- meaning trusting/ waiting expectantly) for except Christ is going to "Leah." Bottom line- any relationship, business venture, personal goal, need: spiritual, mental, or physical, or dream that is not rooted in the Person of Christ will be nothing more than a cheap imitation of the real thing. It can only hope to be, at best, a disappointment.
Now, i am not one to quickly process information. It takes me a little longer than most. I have been allowing that truth to swirl around in my brain since earlier this evening. I keep coming back to what Craig mentioned at the end of the sermon and it is this: The answer is to be the loved... not religious. All the religion stuff would mean trotting home to read my Bible (not bad.. just not the right thing when it is on a checklist), pray more, help old ladies across the street. Being "the loved" means simply embracing the Christ.
That sounds so wonderful to me. if i am honest with you, though, there's a disconnect for me. I do not know how to be the loved without the religion stuff. My idea of "reconnecting" is to do the religion stuff. I need to simply stand in wonder at the fact that my Savior has delivered me- especially from settling for the cheap imitations i start to believe are the best i deserve.
I need to sit here in it (all of the Truth) and absorb.
Do you know how to "be" without "doing"?
3 comments:
Nope, I don't. But I enjoyed reading this entry and it stirred my thoughts. Thanks!
The line is fine. To be the beloved means doing the same things that the pharisee does just with a different motivation and a different attitude. Can you know Christ without the Word? Without prayer? Without meditation? Without fasting? Without worship? Without service? Of course not, but you can do all of those things to feel better about yourself or to earn your right to be around God and never end up knowing Him. Scary how easy it is to slip from the true to the counterfeit.
This is beautiful. Thank you for opening your heart to us.
Love,
K
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