Mama

Some of you have heard, but I figured I would let you in on the recent happenings for the Kirker Family.

My sweet Mom has been diagnosed with Uterine Cancer.

I hate writing those words. As far as cancers go, it is among the most treatable and has very promising statistics for full recovery. Its just that... its my mom. I want nothing to be wrong with her. I can't imagine a world without my mom, so I can't "go" there. I can't and won't indulge in the fear that goes along with the word cancer.

Mom's surgery is on Tuesday morning. I'm headed home in the morning and plan to be snuggled up to my dear mommy until further notice.

She's a trooper and God is in control- two good things.

To make this day a memorable one, I decided I would go ahead and have an MRI and an MRA. My optometrist got me in to see a neuro opthamologist. He recommended the scans to get to the bottom of my loss of clear vision in my right eye. We'll see.

Is it time for bed yet?

Buyers Remorse...

I'm kind of freaking.

If you know me, you know I do not spend money on things. I don't buy clothes (til I'm outta debt... then, its ON!), I don't get manis and pedis (I can do those myself), I limit eating out (could do moreso), and I don't spend frivolously in general.

Well, today... I did.

For the sake of, well, sight. I have been told I need computer glasses and regular glasses. My eyes have severe strain and I need a new perscription yesterday.

I am all for having useful eyes and not straining any more. I just wish it could be done for like... $100. NOT $500!!!! I know its tacky to talk about money, but seriously... that means a month of not putting moolah toward debt. It makes a bit sick to my stomach.

Tell me its imperative to see. Remind me that its money well spent. Confirm that I am not going to be in a desperate money situation... again.

HELP! My name is Kelley and I have buyers remorse!

Edify

So, my experience is that only in Cristendom do we use the word "edify". Why is that? We can all benefit from one's edifying influence. Is it just the coffee or do I feel a meaty post coming on? :)

Yesterday I had the pleasure of having lunch with a friend of mine named Renee. Y'all just need to know that she's completely amazing. Wise? Check. Hilarious? CHECK. "With it"..... check!

All that to say, it was a distinct joy to sit across the table from someone asking me loving and specific questions for the sake of edifying me. Questions that communicated to me that she wants to really know me and that she understands "where I am" as a 29 year old woman. She has a lifetime of advice to offer but chose to sit and listen instead. I just can't tell you what that means to me. What love language is that, anyway? So, sweet Renee pointed out something lovely to me and I'd like to share it.

She said that it is imperative to live here. now. Not longing so deeply for what is next that I wish away the delights of today. I feel encouraged by the fact that I can honestly say I DO! How wonderful! I am seizing the day, friends! Sure, I can always do more to do that, but I feel like I'm in a good place. Boot camp, fun friends, church family, loving nuclear family, job delights and nearing financial freedom! After seeing that written out, I have to bemoan the fact that I still imagine how perfect my life could be "if I only were..." or "if I only had...". Why do I do that?

On a different note, I had a realization while sitting at lunch. I have spent most of my twenties distracting myself.

Wake up, turn on tv (lately, the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air"), get ready for the day, hop in the car, listen to music, get to work, listen to podcasts or Pandora, talk with people thru lunch, work some more, drive home while talking on the phone, go home and eat dinner while talking with roomies, watch tv, go to bed with the TV on "sleep". Wake up and do it again. That's sad. No wonder I hardly read.

I would like a goal of my thirties to be one of some silence and lots less distraction. It doesn't help that my nature is one of spastic diversions. I will have to fight it to some degree. ahhhhh.... I love goals.

So, yes. Lunch was great. I enjoy moments of introspection... over a Lucayan Salad at Calypso Cafe, no less. ;)

peace out, friends.

Old Friends

So, besides the extreme excitement I have for Leslie and Sims' baby shower tonight, I am generally enjoying a morning of basking in old friendships. They (and YOU) are a treasure!

And not just my GIRLS from college, or my SISSERS from here in Nashville or my other near and dears. Today it includes old songs, epiphanies (is that the plural? I've never had the occasion to do write that) and truths.

That's all. Just happy! Just kickin' it with Bonnie Raitt in my ears and smiling... for no particular reason.

:)

Monday

Here's a blow by blow of my morning:

- toss and turn at 2am... worried I've slept thru my alarm
- wake up to my alarm at 4:35a. Set to vibrate, no less. Now THATS a light sleep
- drag my tail to the YMCA before they technically open. That's just shy of 5am, players!
- Do four "stations" of some brutal circuit training. Think Biggest Loser. (i LOVE it! I feel like Gillian is standing on me demanding my lunges go slower.)
- Get the surprise that we're going to do suicides on the basketball court. 16 in a minute and a half.
- Kick myself for not playing sports.
- ACTUALLY do it! (note: the threat was issued that were any member not able to complete the challenge in time, we all do 20 pushups. gross. This was a huge relief...and will keep me out of counseling. For now.)
- Start to see stars.
- Lay down. Determine I will *probably* not pass out.
- Decide to drive. i know.
- Actually make it home!
- Shower, meet a friend for breakfast, reconnect with an older one.
- Get to work.

That was all before 9am. I'm tired. AND its 6pm and I've already been awake for 13.5 hours. I'm a baller!

Thats me...

So, this week has been one of some amazing music! Have I mentioned I LOVE Nashville???

I went, Tuesday, to the world famous Bluebird Cafe for the first time since moving here over 4 years ago! Annie snagged some seats for Meg, Kara, Annie and me! It was amazing! Four outstanding artists (representing Canada hardcore) played some amazing tunes. My favorite of the 4 ladies was Tania Hancheroff. Insane. It was a wonderful "girls night" as it were. LOVED it! Thanks, Annie!

Last night I took it to Exit/In in honor of the world's best brudder in law. Chad is in love with "Paper Route" and now I know why! They're outstanding!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself! They were the perfect mix of energetic and enjoyable! I am Nashville's newest fan of P.R.! AND I spotted an old friend Josh on stage... turns out he decided to forsake being an architect in favor of the rock life. Atta boy!

As I was standing next to a 5 foot by 3 foot woofer that threatened my rib cage, I found myself dancing next to a girl who was OBViously high. Specifically on ecstacy. I know this because she couldn't stop telling me how much she loved me. Then she told me she loved my Betty Bangs. (I LOVE that they have a name) Then she asked me this: "Do you wake up every morning excited about how fabulous you are?" Awfully sweet of my new best friend... whatever her name is.

Keep on keepin' on, friends! I'm just on a mission to stay awake until 9:30p when I crash in order to wake up at 4:35a to 3 degree weather in order to do "Bootcamp" at the YMCA. I feel exceedingly awesome these days. :)

Holler!

Bases to Cover

Friends...

I have so much cover, I may interrupt myself!

For starters:
Christmas was amazing! I had the best time with Cam and Carol and we tore up Florida on a road trip! I love them to pieces and would hop right back in the car and do it again... all except for the day we drove 13 hours when the only things that kept me sane were the oldies streaming over the radio waves and the Double Issue of People Magazine (aka "the news") i flipped thru.

New Years was low key and great with Kristin Chad and Julia! We took it over to Travis and Ashley's for a (mostly) married people sleep over. It was way more fun that that sounds. They're fun married peeps. Travis smoked the butt of a pig for 18 something hours and it was ridiculously delish! I honestly fell asleep before midnight and, were it not for my observant sister, would have stayed right there til morning. The year of our Lord 2009 is off to a great start!

I have been celebrating MANY an engagement lately! Christmas was the season for bliss, it seems! What is this 2007 (otherwise known as the 17 weddings year)?! My roomie Chancey got engaged to Tread. Lara got engaged to Rob. Emily got engaged to Travis. It is only January, people. This is gonna be quite a year! Holler! (thought: i wonder if hugs count as an acceptable wedding gift?)

HERE's the one i've been waiting for... THE BACHELOR STARTED LAST NIGHT!

what. on. earth?

I honestly don't think it is a result of bitterness from not being chosen by the powers that be at ABC. Jason is amazing, but there's no way I would be down for duking it out for a man on national television. Back to the situation at hand. :)

I cannot fathom where those producers could have scrounged up more erratic or bizarre women. It was like a freak show of the needy, sub- standard dancers club of Tan Town. There was no less than an ex-cowboys cheerleader, a socially impaired educator (who felt so sure of herself that she quit her job to compete), and a stalker-tastic dental hygienist. One after the other... they pile out of the limo. Hell bent on out-weirding one another. Usually with salsa moves. Oy vey. I was mildly bored until they, in a stroke of ratings, decide to allow the girls to vote on one girl to get voted off first! The tables turned on us as the most hated girl (based on 24 minutes of sipping champagne in the same vicinity), actually gets a rose! That is where the excitement slowed... until we are treated to a promo for the coming season. It smacked of a scene of one's life flashing before their eyes... if one's life includes cameras capturing flashy clothes and kissing 25 different people every day. duh. mine does. Deanna comes groveling back! what on earth?! I'm willing to say here that, if he chooses Deanna, I will literally never watch ABC again. Feel the weight of that statement, I beg you. It is a HUGE statement due to my affinity for "Lost". I feel that adamant. BOTTOM LINE: I should have been on there. hahahaha!

As an aside, I just can't tell you how I miss the sun. It has been raining non-stop. I just long to dry out and see the sun. Is that too much to ask?

Next installment, New Years Goals for 2009. Get ready...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, dahlings!