quiet.

It seems three days without human interaction is about all I can handle.

I've spent the last three days on my couch trying to rest off the Bronchitis that founds its way (back) into my lungs. That's twice in a month and being sick makes me feel pitiful and, well, lonely. I never want anyone to be nervous about getting sick, so I won't let people come over when I'm under the weather. The thing is, when I've had roommates in the past, they stick around and its just nice to have another body in the house. OK- nice to have someone to watch "Its Complicated" with (shout out, E.W.)

Here are things that make me feel better when I'm sick:

- Binge watching a TV series (Friday Night Lights, Felicity, etc... this time it was Homeland.)
- Stove popped popcorn. for all three meals.
- Ginger ale. Because I'm human and know it fixes things.
- Twinkly Christmas lights. (ok- not always a guarantee but worked out this time.)
- Facetime with Kristin.
- Before and after testimonials of ANYTHING. The interwebs are replete with stories of Paleo diet enthusiasts, hair cuts, or home improvements... anything. I love a makeover.
- Listening to brilliant music. It just so happens that Dave Brubeck died while I was sick so I made a bit of a playlist to "pour one out" in honor of a genius. Jazz is always right on time in my book.
- Calling my mom to tell her how I feel. Her voice is chicken soup.
- Painting my nails. Multiple times.
- Naps on the couch.

So, dears, I hope you're having a better week than me. Don't get me wrong- I can't say I've minded all this nice rest but it would be so much more fun if I could just. stop. coughing.

XO
kelley

These are my confessions:

Don't worry... this won't get weird.

Well, no guarantees. I mean, I'm a little weird. All I mean is I am not going to reveal my innermost thoughts. I just mean I get a kick out of laughing at myself and, today, I invite you to join me.

Here is a very short list of reasons you should laugh at with me:

(a) My iPhone "notes" have some real beauties. For example, under the title, "to occasionally remember" is listed only one thing... "Crazy Love by Poco."

Some other notes include a recipe for the perfect margarita, "at a glance" budget amounts for my spending, and "dream" cosmetic purchases to buy when I enjoy a windfall. But... Crazy Love? Completely awesome. I mean- it really is a good song.*

(b) I am incredibly embarrass-prone. Don't go thinking I actually get embarrassed. I just should be embarrassed a lot. Take last night, for example. Five of us girls trot in to Nashville's swankiest sushi joint to enjoy an ambush birthday dinner for Laura. We look cute and we know it, ok? I had taken two steps into the restaurant when I promptly swung my purse and knocked over a wall of bamboo. Fortunately, the pieces just fell on me (bouncing off my head multiple times which made me laugh harder) and none hit the ground. But seriously? Nice entrance.

Nothing compared to dramatically falling on the ground at my birthday dinner this year. 5 star restaurant. No bigs. Wait- did I mention Jon Bon Jovi was there? I had a knee bruise for 4.5 weeks but I laughed harder that night then in the month before.

(c) I became irrationally excited seeing Santa bring up the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade this year. On TV.... not live, mind you. I'm talking... tears in my eyes excited. I'm 33.


I'm going to go easy on myself and stop there.
Hope your Thursday is a great one!

xo,
Kelley

*don't forget that my favorite songs play at the grocery story and dentist office. I love a soft rock hit.

hey.

Here's whats going to happen. I'm going to pretend like I didn't disappear for the last handful of months and just pretend we were mid-conversation and pop right back in.


Oh, what the heck- I'll acknowledge it. That way I can do my favorite thing: Make a list!

Here are a few notable things that have happened while I was away:

1. Kristin (and Chad) got knocked up! My baby niece (confession: I have not successfully spelled that correctly once since finding out...) will be here at the end of January! My entire life is about to expand with the incredible joy that only a beloved baby can bring and I can hardly wait. Sometimes I can't sleep just thinking about her. How can I already love her? Its a mystery that makes me delighted.

2. I did "Jack and Back" for the last time again and am just bursting with pride! Chad and Blake came to ride with me again (just the best brothers a girl could hope for.) This year "they" snuck in an extra bit of mileage (what is this? the Biggest Loser?), so we rode 130 miles. On a bike. With our own legs. In real life. Pretty cool... but I'm done with that. New adventure!

3. I have, since April, traveled to:

Monteagle, TN
Montgomery, AL
NYC, NY
Columbia, SC (quite a few times, really)
Hattiesburg, MS
Baton Rouge, LA
Seaside, FL
Valle Crusis, NC
Birmingham, AL

There are certainly perks to being free as a bird... traveling like one!

4. I'm 100% addicted to Instagram. I can't help it. My "handle" (do the kids say "handles"?) is "kelleykirker." In order to keep creeps and spam away, I am private. BUT, if we're real life friends, I'll add you in a skinny minute. :) Here are a few of my favies* of late.

Thanksgiving joys.

Baby shower cuteness!

Team Neon at Jack and Back.

gussied up for the CMAs!

5. I had every intention to post a farewell here on the 21st... the 5th anniversary of this little blog. I felt it had run its course. But, as I tried to say goodbye, I couldn't quite do it. It may happen soon, but not today. Let's see what happens, shall we? I feel stories bubbling up already. ;)

xoxo,
Kelley


*that word just happened and I'm not mad about it. 

On streaming.

...my consciousness, that is. Here goes:

************
Last night, I planned a picnic with my church and, wouldn't you know, some rain changed the evening. Admittedly, it was a delightful evening in spite of the downpour. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I would have had it any other way. We all time to visit, eat grilled meats and laugh. Just as the rain announced itself, we packed up and went home. So really, that means I still got to spend my evening doing things I wanted to do. Its like I got two evenings, you guys. What were those things, you ask? Well, I opened my refrigerator to discover a chicken. It only recently occurred to me that you don't *have* to buy a rotisserie cooked chicken at the front of the grocery store. You can, like, buy them raw... and cook them. At home.

I know.

So, I roasted that beauty. While it took a nap in the oven, I turned on some lovely music and cleaned up my teeny home. I then decided to take a bath and further decided it would need the accompaniment of a little citrus cocktail. It would be difficult for me to convey how peaceful it was to lie there alone enjoying the warm glow and smooth tunes. The smells of garlic wafting through my home. The lime-y goodness... it was total indulgence.

I said, out loud and alone, "I have a really good life." And I meant it.

************

The women I am in a writing group with came over for dinner on Monday. We had a deeply wonderful time together. We wolfed down enchiladas and guacamole, we laughed, we cried, we read our written words. We met to chat about that wonderful book "Writing Down the Bones" that I told you about earlier.   The cool thing about the times we get together is that I feel inspired and loved every time. Inspired because these women are SO gifted. Loved because I feel so heard and important. It feels sacred, if I may be so bold. I hope we are still getting together when we're 80. I think we will be.

*************

My too-good-to-be-true brother in law will graduate with his Masters degree next month. I am so proud I may burst. He is so talented. On top of that, he is a gifted teacher. I don't know if you can tell, but I just love him. Well, earlier this week he was given some awards for general awesomeness and my family all gathered to celebrate. Just after dinner, the Rochesters and Kirkers mingled outside the restaurant- not wanting to say goodbye yet, I imagine. In my sisters words, "at some point, mom and I realized we weren't getting enough attention, so we started dancing." I just can't tell you how sad I am to have missed it. Although, really, if I had been there, I may have tried to steal the show, so it all worked out for the best. Kristin sent me a video of Carol dancing and, you guys.. its priceless.  Half my heart lives in Columbia, SC.

That's all for now. Tootles.

Love, Kelley

On Comparing.

You would sort of have to be a twin to understand the level of comparison with which a human can grow accustomed. From the moment you leave the womb- comparing. Who's older? Fraternal or identical? Do they look just alike? Who got their first tooth quickest? Who is better at math (rude... Kristin.)? Who has a boyfriend? Which got asked to prom first? Who is going to which school? Who wore the red dress the best (again... rude... Kristin, okay?!). Anyway, you get my drift. You muggles (does that work here? People are always calling me that so I thought I would dish it out) think the comparison ends with the clothes placed on our infant bodies, but you are wrong. Its a lifetime of comparing, I tell you. Its not always good, its not always bad... its just always is.

You may imagine there were some antics in the Kirker house upon realizing "the comparing" was a game we weren't getting out of any time soon. We may as well letter in it, right?

There was this unspoken comparing game that we were both masters of from ages 6 to 15. If ever a sister had some truly enviable morsel of food, she would take her time eating it much more slowly than necessary. The reason for this was simply leverage. Leverage, you ask? Yes. Leverage. If you're hanging out with a sister who has just read enough books (through Book It) to earn a Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut, you bet your bottom dollar you're going to ask for a piece. That sister has the upper hand and, thus, negotiations, regarding Barbies, begins. Oh, a road trip with delicious Skittles, you ask? Duh. Of course. Bottom line, we were always trying to be the one with yummy treats.

Treats were to little Kirkers what cigarettes are for inmates- currency.

WHY? Why did I want Kristin to accidentally slip and eat her Happy Meal at a normal pace so that I could wave my pitiful overcooked french fry stubs in her face? Because I was a jerk? Probably. Also? Because we were constantly comparing.

It got me thinking about the balance of my life and the role that comparing plays. As a master comparer, I can assure you there are opportunities on every (EVERY) corner. Some comparing can happen internally and can be quite fun (ie: losing weight, reaching any goal, playing "can I clean the bathroom in 4 minutes", working up the nerve to talk to the insanely hot guy at Harris Teeter, etc.) Other comparisons can be not so fun (ie. Playing "Is every human married?", indulging in "I'm better" nonsense, noticing houses, jobs and bodies of friends and going through the mental comparison checklist. boo.) It happens, y'all.

For me, comparing almost always leads to criticism.

This quote seemed especially poignant to me today. Peep this:

Yes, Mr. Brown. Good call. The comparison game is rubbish. I need to be so focused on loving life and refining/improving that I simply don't have time to compare/ criticize/ judge/ not show love.

What would it look like if I actually did that? Probably a lot less wasted energy playing a game I can't win, I know that.

Today when I called Kristin to remember our utter silliness (we do this a lot... usually through Facetime), we both laughed hysterically that we ever lorded food over each other. I mean, shouldn't it have been precious metals or something? Anyway, Kris, I invite you to share a Chick-Fil-A meal with me and I will let you have all my fries.

Yeah right.

xo

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My dear and darling life friend Amanda asked me to take part in the Gathered Thoughts link party at LoveFeast Table. What an honor. I would like to thank her for the opportunity as well as the motivation to come out of blog hibernation. While we're at it: countless laughs and shared lives. xo.

On bones.

Hi, friends.

I sure didn't intend to disappear for nearly two months, but I didn't purpose not to either. So, there you have it. I forgot to remember. or something.

I have been reading this incredible book called "Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within."  Incredible isn't actually a good enough word. Its been sort of formative for me as a writer. Now, you need to know that calling myself a writer feels like a misnomer. How can someone who writes like she speaks be a writer writer? (Well, Tina Fey blows that theory out of the water. Maybe Mindy Kaling but I haven't given her book a try yet. It just feels like "Diet Tina", but I digress.) I have the distinct privilege of meeting with three other women to discuss this book and it is, in a word, revolutionizing.

So, this book has been wildly educational as well as inspirational. It is designed to read as a manual of sorts. I have absolutely embraced her suggestions for improving the practice of writing and have, thus, spent much more time writing in a journal... with a pen. I have never had the experience, until now, of reading a chapter and finding myself so inspired that I stop reading and practice what it is I was just taught. Yes, I, Kelley Kirker, read a chapter about writing and stopped reading... to WRITE.

Something that resonates deeply in me is her notion that everyone just wants to tell their story and be known (by others and one's self.) Its so basic and so true. Let's face it, 99% of the people reading her book will never go on to be published, much less write the next great American novel. We just want our time here to count. For folks to acknowledge our lives. I have been spending time each evening scratching down my thoughts, musings, poetry, and ramblings. In the last week, there have been some ripe moments. I say ripe because it was almost as though I couldn't keep the words inside. I needed to write and experience freedom because of it. Its as though the burden or joy is too much and if I write it out (experience it in that way), I can free up. Does that sound bonkers?

I drank coffee this morning. Can you tell?

Anyway, Its been a packed year so far. I have a feeling 2012 is going to be a wild ride if January is any indication. I am surprised, grateful and curious all at the same time. I am particularly grateful for the inspiration of WDtB for the sheer outlet of it all. You may find me less of a frequent flyer here as I dedicate some serious time to filling a notebook with physical writing. Still, you are not lucky enough to be rid of me all together. ;)

I hope today is a great day for you.

love,
Kelley