I would say that, this morning, I am aware. Not like I am comatose other mornings (though some co-workers may disagree.) I only mean that this morning brought new awareness.
I was sitting on my couch last night (watching "ET", if you must know. "phone hoooome") when Kristin called and said, "did you hear? Osama Bin Laden was killed." I replied with, "For real? I'll remember this moment." I was instantly overwhelmed with emotion. I had the same emotions rush over me when I saw the images of Saddam Hussein being put to death.
Utter sadness.
Please don't misunderstand. I am a patriot. I am proud of America and prouder of people who dedicate their lives to protecting Her. I think we're a truly great country. That being said, I just can't celebrate anyone's death. I think Osama's death is what most consider a just end to a war with terror. I absolutely concede that he needed to be stopped but I am sad it had to be with death.
I'm not sad he's been stopped from doing terrible things. I'm sad because he is a man with a soul.
Yes, he made some terrible decisions but I believe in God and His Son Jesus. I also believe the Bible is true, so I believe he has to stand before God and answer for those choices and that makes me want to cry. I am much closer to tears than joy today. Regardless of what you believe, I think it is worth considering that a man has died and, as a nation, we are setting off fireworks...?
Those are controversial thoughts and I am, honestly, nervous about alienating those who don't agree. I also like to be liked. But, I'm honest with you here and this is what I'm dealing with today. I've also been the recipient of so much love that it is hard to think about people who haven't.
The next emotions in line are ones that remind me he was just one man. There are lots of people dedicated to terror (which is horrifying) and I just happen to think we're a bit *more* of a target now. I hope that isn't true. Its just feels like it may be. Fear is no way to live, so I won't give in to it. I just keep coming back to the sobering feeling that life is short and we aren't the authors of it.
Mercy.
9 comments:
This is great. Thanks for sharing, Kelley.
Kelley,
This post really made me think. While I haven't thrown a party or shot off fireworks, I do feel somewhat celebratory. Not about death, but about justice. Having lost a friend in NYC on Sept 11, this feels like closure. Can't stop thinking about my friend's family and, like you, am just sad today.
Again, thanks for your perspective and making me think. Many conflicting emotions for sure!
MQ
Thank YOU, Mandy. It is good for me to consider all of the faces his death represents. I can totally see how it would bring closure. I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend.
K
Amen and amen.
Well put, friend.
I was kind of appauled hearing about the celebrations.. While it makes sense that this represents justice & brings closure. Crazy. Scary. Sad.
You said it: Mercy.
Oh, friend, I love your heart. I've felt such a range of emotion in the past 24 hours on this subject. Thank you for articulating many of them here. (and beautifully, I might add.) Right now I'm feeling thankful for peace amid so much turmoil and sadness. Thankful that not knowing exactly how to feel or what to do doesn't change the reality of who holds us in his hands. Mercy indeed.
You penned my thoughts and emotions well. Cara posted a link to your blog on FB which is how I found this, and I'm thankful that I am not alone in my mixed emotions over the last 24 hours.
perfectly expressed. i felt the same thing too. i felt super sad because i knew instantly that he would be living the reality of hell for eternity. i absolutely hate that so many people died at the hands of him and his followers but it's just sobering to think that i would be standing in front of a just God, if not for Jesus, in the same position as he. Thanks for sharing Kel!
why you are my favorite...
can we hang out soon? i'll come there when you officially kick the cicadas out of town. i don't do bugs.
DUH! Stand by... I will let you know when the cicadas have dethroned. :)
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