story time.

Well, if you've been here for long, you know I love to hear and tell a story more than hot, salty french fries. Its close, mind you. But stories win every time. Naturally, that means I am a huge fan of The Moth Podcast.

So, I was particularly thrilled when Lyndsay told me about Nashville establishing its own monthly storytelling event! Less than a mile from my house? Even better. The stars had aligned, as they say.

A table full of friends (I think I may have been the only one that knew everybody at our table) perched happily in the back of  the room waiting for the fun to begin. Added joy? My dear friend Brian (who is married to my beloved Julie) was in town with a friend for a conference. Fresh off his flight from Baton Rouge, he zipped in ready to listen... and contribute!

The organizers arranged for five planned story tellers and opened it up for audience participants as well.  Those of us, who were willing, put our names in a hat and waited. There was no particular theme, so the range of stories was fun. Brian's name was called and he knocked it out of the park with a story that had the crowd gut laughing.

Just as the evening was coming to a close (all five speakers had gone- all five audience members), the hostess announced everyone had stayed within their time frame and we had time for another. She reached into the hat and drew... (shocker) MY NAME!

HERE is the story I shared (which you may recognize from days of old).

Enjoy the beautiful weather (assuming it is as gorgeous where you are as it is in Music City this weekend!)

xo,
K

Reality | Joy | Sore

The reality is that I have no business being conscious right now... 12:48am. It happens to be my favorite time but STILL. Its too dang late and now my stomach is growling because it thinks its time for another meal.

Why shouldn't I be awake? Well, I'm getting sick again. (note to self: research why I get a cold every month in spite of clean eating.) I tossed and turned all night last night so I'm so tired that I'm borderline weapy and no one wants to see that. Also, I don't drink coffee any more so I know tomorrow will hurt. Tuesdays are always my hardest days but it will be amplified tomorrow.

Another reason? I took my first class at Crossfit tonight and it kicked my booty. I may not be able to walk tomorrow (not the cute, "hehe, I can't skip down the hall" stuff... I'm talking, "how badly do I really need to use the bathroom" sort of decision making level stuff.) I do not frequently have this feeling, so it needs to be documented... I was absolutely exhausted by the intensity of that workout and yet, I am hooked! Stay tuned for semi/ somewhat regular occasional updates. Who knows? I may just get up to 6 pull ups, y'all.

Can I just say that I feel like I'm living a great life lately? Sure, I have a bajillion things to be grateful for. I always have. There's just something electric about this season. I feel empowered, focused, and confident.

I CANNOT believe I haven't shown you one thousand photos of my beloved niece yet. I mean, how is that possible? All in due time. She is more than every perfect word I can try to muster. Simply: she is my delight and makes my heart sing like a crazy person. I love her deeply and I want you to get to bask in her insane preciousness.

So, here, darlings... here she is:

She was 10 hours old and getting kissed by her mama here. Le sigh.

Now I must go sleep... or toss and turn. I have missed this space and you.

love,
Kelley

quiet.

It seems three days without human interaction is about all I can handle.

I've spent the last three days on my couch trying to rest off the Bronchitis that founds its way (back) into my lungs. That's twice in a month and being sick makes me feel pitiful and, well, lonely. I never want anyone to be nervous about getting sick, so I won't let people come over when I'm under the weather. The thing is, when I've had roommates in the past, they stick around and its just nice to have another body in the house. OK- nice to have someone to watch "Its Complicated" with (shout out, E.W.)

Here are things that make me feel better when I'm sick:

- Binge watching a TV series (Friday Night Lights, Felicity, etc... this time it was Homeland.)
- Stove popped popcorn. for all three meals.
- Ginger ale. Because I'm human and know it fixes things.
- Twinkly Christmas lights. (ok- not always a guarantee but worked out this time.)
- Facetime with Kristin.
- Before and after testimonials of ANYTHING. The interwebs are replete with stories of Paleo diet enthusiasts, hair cuts, or home improvements... anything. I love a makeover.
- Listening to brilliant music. It just so happens that Dave Brubeck died while I was sick so I made a bit of a playlist to "pour one out" in honor of a genius. Jazz is always right on time in my book.
- Calling my mom to tell her how I feel. Her voice is chicken soup.
- Painting my nails. Multiple times.
- Naps on the couch.

So, dears, I hope you're having a better week than me. Don't get me wrong- I can't say I've minded all this nice rest but it would be so much more fun if I could just. stop. coughing.

XO
kelley

These are my confessions:

Don't worry... this won't get weird.

Well, no guarantees. I mean, I'm a little weird. All I mean is I am not going to reveal my innermost thoughts. I just mean I get a kick out of laughing at myself and, today, I invite you to join me.

Here is a very short list of reasons you should laugh at with me:

(a) My iPhone "notes" have some real beauties. For example, under the title, "to occasionally remember" is listed only one thing... "Crazy Love by Poco."

Some other notes include a recipe for the perfect margarita, "at a glance" budget amounts for my spending, and "dream" cosmetic purchases to buy when I enjoy a windfall. But... Crazy Love? Completely awesome. I mean- it really is a good song.*

(b) I am incredibly embarrass-prone. Don't go thinking I actually get embarrassed. I just should be embarrassed a lot. Take last night, for example. Five of us girls trot in to Nashville's swankiest sushi joint to enjoy an ambush birthday dinner for Laura. We look cute and we know it, ok? I had taken two steps into the restaurant when I promptly swung my purse and knocked over a wall of bamboo. Fortunately, the pieces just fell on me (bouncing off my head multiple times which made me laugh harder) and none hit the ground. But seriously? Nice entrance.

Nothing compared to dramatically falling on the ground at my birthday dinner this year. 5 star restaurant. No bigs. Wait- did I mention Jon Bon Jovi was there? I had a knee bruise for 4.5 weeks but I laughed harder that night then in the month before.

(c) I became irrationally excited seeing Santa bring up the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade this year. On TV.... not live, mind you. I'm talking... tears in my eyes excited. I'm 33.


I'm going to go easy on myself and stop there.
Hope your Thursday is a great one!

xo,
Kelley

*don't forget that my favorite songs play at the grocery story and dentist office. I love a soft rock hit.

hey.

Here's whats going to happen. I'm going to pretend like I didn't disappear for the last handful of months and just pretend we were mid-conversation and pop right back in.


Oh, what the heck- I'll acknowledge it. That way I can do my favorite thing: Make a list!

Here are a few notable things that have happened while I was away:

1. Kristin (and Chad) got knocked up! My baby niece (confession: I have not successfully spelled that correctly once since finding out...) will be here at the end of January! My entire life is about to expand with the incredible joy that only a beloved baby can bring and I can hardly wait. Sometimes I can't sleep just thinking about her. How can I already love her? Its a mystery that makes me delighted.

2. I did "Jack and Back" for the last time again and am just bursting with pride! Chad and Blake came to ride with me again (just the best brothers a girl could hope for.) This year "they" snuck in an extra bit of mileage (what is this? the Biggest Loser?), so we rode 130 miles. On a bike. With our own legs. In real life. Pretty cool... but I'm done with that. New adventure!

3. I have, since April, traveled to:

Monteagle, TN
Montgomery, AL
NYC, NY
Columbia, SC (quite a few times, really)
Hattiesburg, MS
Baton Rouge, LA
Seaside, FL
Valle Crusis, NC
Birmingham, AL

There are certainly perks to being free as a bird... traveling like one!

4. I'm 100% addicted to Instagram. I can't help it. My "handle" (do the kids say "handles"?) is "kelleykirker." In order to keep creeps and spam away, I am private. BUT, if we're real life friends, I'll add you in a skinny minute. :) Here are a few of my favies* of late.

Thanksgiving joys.

Baby shower cuteness!

Team Neon at Jack and Back.

gussied up for the CMAs!

5. I had every intention to post a farewell here on the 21st... the 5th anniversary of this little blog. I felt it had run its course. But, as I tried to say goodbye, I couldn't quite do it. It may happen soon, but not today. Let's see what happens, shall we? I feel stories bubbling up already. ;)

xoxo,
Kelley


*that word just happened and I'm not mad about it. 

On streaming.

...my consciousness, that is. Here goes:

************
Last night, I planned a picnic with my church and, wouldn't you know, some rain changed the evening. Admittedly, it was a delightful evening in spite of the downpour. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I would have had it any other way. We all time to visit, eat grilled meats and laugh. Just as the rain announced itself, we packed up and went home. So really, that means I still got to spend my evening doing things I wanted to do. Its like I got two evenings, you guys. What were those things, you ask? Well, I opened my refrigerator to discover a chicken. It only recently occurred to me that you don't *have* to buy a rotisserie cooked chicken at the front of the grocery store. You can, like, buy them raw... and cook them. At home.

I know.

So, I roasted that beauty. While it took a nap in the oven, I turned on some lovely music and cleaned up my teeny home. I then decided to take a bath and further decided it would need the accompaniment of a little citrus cocktail. It would be difficult for me to convey how peaceful it was to lie there alone enjoying the warm glow and smooth tunes. The smells of garlic wafting through my home. The lime-y goodness... it was total indulgence.

I said, out loud and alone, "I have a really good life." And I meant it.

************

The women I am in a writing group with came over for dinner on Monday. We had a deeply wonderful time together. We wolfed down enchiladas and guacamole, we laughed, we cried, we read our written words. We met to chat about that wonderful book "Writing Down the Bones" that I told you about earlier.   The cool thing about the times we get together is that I feel inspired and loved every time. Inspired because these women are SO gifted. Loved because I feel so heard and important. It feels sacred, if I may be so bold. I hope we are still getting together when we're 80. I think we will be.

*************

My too-good-to-be-true brother in law will graduate with his Masters degree next month. I am so proud I may burst. He is so talented. On top of that, he is a gifted teacher. I don't know if you can tell, but I just love him. Well, earlier this week he was given some awards for general awesomeness and my family all gathered to celebrate. Just after dinner, the Rochesters and Kirkers mingled outside the restaurant- not wanting to say goodbye yet, I imagine. In my sisters words, "at some point, mom and I realized we weren't getting enough attention, so we started dancing." I just can't tell you how sad I am to have missed it. Although, really, if I had been there, I may have tried to steal the show, so it all worked out for the best. Kristin sent me a video of Carol dancing and, you guys.. its priceless.  Half my heart lives in Columbia, SC.

That's all for now. Tootles.

Love, Kelley

On Comparing.

You would sort of have to be a twin to understand the level of comparison with which a human can grow accustomed. From the moment you leave the womb- comparing. Who's older? Fraternal or identical? Do they look just alike? Who got their first tooth quickest? Who is better at math (rude... Kristin.)? Who has a boyfriend? Which got asked to prom first? Who is going to which school? Who wore the red dress the best (again... rude... Kristin, okay?!). Anyway, you get my drift. You muggles (does that work here? People are always calling me that so I thought I would dish it out) think the comparison ends with the clothes placed on our infant bodies, but you are wrong. Its a lifetime of comparing, I tell you. Its not always good, its not always bad... its just always is.

You may imagine there were some antics in the Kirker house upon realizing "the comparing" was a game we weren't getting out of any time soon. We may as well letter in it, right?

There was this unspoken comparing game that we were both masters of from ages 6 to 15. If ever a sister had some truly enviable morsel of food, she would take her time eating it much more slowly than necessary. The reason for this was simply leverage. Leverage, you ask? Yes. Leverage. If you're hanging out with a sister who has just read enough books (through Book It) to earn a Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut, you bet your bottom dollar you're going to ask for a piece. That sister has the upper hand and, thus, negotiations, regarding Barbies, begins. Oh, a road trip with delicious Skittles, you ask? Duh. Of course. Bottom line, we were always trying to be the one with yummy treats.

Treats were to little Kirkers what cigarettes are for inmates- currency.

WHY? Why did I want Kristin to accidentally slip and eat her Happy Meal at a normal pace so that I could wave my pitiful overcooked french fry stubs in her face? Because I was a jerk? Probably. Also? Because we were constantly comparing.

It got me thinking about the balance of my life and the role that comparing plays. As a master comparer, I can assure you there are opportunities on every (EVERY) corner. Some comparing can happen internally and can be quite fun (ie: losing weight, reaching any goal, playing "can I clean the bathroom in 4 minutes", working up the nerve to talk to the insanely hot guy at Harris Teeter, etc.) Other comparisons can be not so fun (ie. Playing "Is every human married?", indulging in "I'm better" nonsense, noticing houses, jobs and bodies of friends and going through the mental comparison checklist. boo.) It happens, y'all.

For me, comparing almost always leads to criticism.

This quote seemed especially poignant to me today. Peep this:

Yes, Mr. Brown. Good call. The comparison game is rubbish. I need to be so focused on loving life and refining/improving that I simply don't have time to compare/ criticize/ judge/ not show love.

What would it look like if I actually did that? Probably a lot less wasted energy playing a game I can't win, I know that.

Today when I called Kristin to remember our utter silliness (we do this a lot... usually through Facetime), we both laughed hysterically that we ever lorded food over each other. I mean, shouldn't it have been precious metals or something? Anyway, Kris, I invite you to share a Chick-Fil-A meal with me and I will let you have all my fries.

Yeah right.

xo

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My dear and darling life friend Amanda asked me to take part in the Gathered Thoughts link party at LoveFeast Table. What an honor. I would like to thank her for the opportunity as well as the motivation to come out of blog hibernation. While we're at it: countless laughs and shared lives. xo.

On bones.

Hi, friends.

I sure didn't intend to disappear for nearly two months, but I didn't purpose not to either. So, there you have it. I forgot to remember. or something.

I have been reading this incredible book called "Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within."  Incredible isn't actually a good enough word. Its been sort of formative for me as a writer. Now, you need to know that calling myself a writer feels like a misnomer. How can someone who writes like she speaks be a writer writer? (Well, Tina Fey blows that theory out of the water. Maybe Mindy Kaling but I haven't given her book a try yet. It just feels like "Diet Tina", but I digress.) I have the distinct privilege of meeting with three other women to discuss this book and it is, in a word, revolutionizing.

So, this book has been wildly educational as well as inspirational. It is designed to read as a manual of sorts. I have absolutely embraced her suggestions for improving the practice of writing and have, thus, spent much more time writing in a journal... with a pen. I have never had the experience, until now, of reading a chapter and finding myself so inspired that I stop reading and practice what it is I was just taught. Yes, I, Kelley Kirker, read a chapter about writing and stopped reading... to WRITE.

Something that resonates deeply in me is her notion that everyone just wants to tell their story and be known (by others and one's self.) Its so basic and so true. Let's face it, 99% of the people reading her book will never go on to be published, much less write the next great American novel. We just want our time here to count. For folks to acknowledge our lives. I have been spending time each evening scratching down my thoughts, musings, poetry, and ramblings. In the last week, there have been some ripe moments. I say ripe because it was almost as though I couldn't keep the words inside. I needed to write and experience freedom because of it. Its as though the burden or joy is too much and if I write it out (experience it in that way), I can free up. Does that sound bonkers?

I drank coffee this morning. Can you tell?

Anyway, Its been a packed year so far. I have a feeling 2012 is going to be a wild ride if January is any indication. I am surprised, grateful and curious all at the same time. I am particularly grateful for the inspiration of WDtB for the sheer outlet of it all. You may find me less of a frequent flyer here as I dedicate some serious time to filling a notebook with physical writing. Still, you are not lucky enough to be rid of me all together. ;)

I hope today is a great day for you.

love,
Kelley

on going places.

Two days ago marked three months in to my 32nd year.

One quarter of the way to 33, you guys. Sure, I love number alliteration as much as the next guy, but I am not racing the calendar on next year's birthday. I never am, really. duh.

So, like most things, it has me pondering what goal I am reaching for. I don't naturally align myself with people who the world would consider are "goal oriented." Those people probably exercise regularly and wonder what to do with all the money they have systematically put aside for things other than faux fur hats at TJ Maxx. (mine rules.)

No, those folks never seemed very... "Kelley Kirker." BUT, aren't they? Because I am really only happy if I am knocking things off a to-do list or one step closer to an accomplishment. The difference between the "goal oriented" and me probably has a lot to do with the caliber of goals being accomplished. I am not hiking Kilimanjaro... I am talking, "eat healthfully for six weeks" or "buy and wear super sexy heels for the Christmas party- no changing into flip flops!" sort of stuff. Still, its not all boring. Its just a goal with training wheels, ya know?

So, since time has insisted on speeding up in the last few years, I have to keep up. I now have 3/4 of the year at my disposal and I intend to make the most of it!

I am feeling the need to reinvent my "30 to 30" tour of 2009. Maybe I do "32 while 32" ha. That way, I am giving myself more time than a month. Whatever it shapes up to be, I need to get to work. You know the scene in Elf (of course you do), when the elves have *just* finished that years' toys and Santa says it is time to get started on next year and they all cheer? Its also when baby Buddy crawls out of Santa's bag. Well, that is how I feel. I have just gotten used to 32 and here I am prepping for 33. Really, I just want to get to work doing things on purpose.

I'm going places, you guys.

I need some input on brand new challenge ideas. Do you have any to offer?

Now, to make the most of this weekend. It will bring the experience of a great day o' volunteering with HelpPortrait, babysitting a tot, another watch of "White Christmas", and spending time with friends. Can't beat it.

xo,
Kelley

Fourth.

Lo, these four years later, this li'l blog is still alive and kickin'. Can you believe it?

Thanks for humoring me and giving two hoots about the musings of a distracted but lively 30-something. Heck, you've *watched* me enter the world of the 30's. I am ready for the next 4. Let's face it, by then, I may just be writing in code or braille to keep it exciting.

Happy Thanksgiving week!

Love,

Kelley

on breaking news.

My hair is (finally) long enough for a bun.

(!!!!!)

That's all.

xo.

On time FLYING by.

Sometimes it feels like years fly by in half the time now. It makes me insane. There is too much to enjoy, experience and treasure for days to evaporate the way they do. I don't even have kids yet. I am told it kicks in to high gear then.

For example:

Nearly two years ago, this was happening:

Not just the "me having brown hair" thing.  Amanda and David had just welcomed L and J... wondrous little handsome, curious creatures of joy, they are.


Now, this is happening:

HOW?

Do yourself a favor and read Amanda's post today. If only time could stop.

xo,

KK

A Baby and a Bunny.

Because I know you're eager to know what happened dress up wise, here you go:

I present Frances "Baby" Houseman:

Its a stretch. I know. I look more like a monochromatic parakeet with big hair. 

Not a frizzy-haired dirty dancer. 

I had to explain my outfit to everyone. 

Whateves. It ruled. 

For work (and children-of-coworkers coming to trick or treat), I give you: 

A bunny.

No, I'm not concealing a pregnancy like Jessica Simpson... its just an unfortunate angle. 

Love,

KK

On Dress Up!

Its Halloween on Monday so, in anticipation, I am attending a party on Saturday night.

I'll be going as "Baby" from Dirty Dancing... the 80's cult classic. Neveryoumind that I was strictly forbidden from actually watching it as a child but I've made up for lost time in my adulthood. (sorry, Cam and Carol.) I just get lost in the music and dancing. The motivator is the fact that the theme of the party is "infamous."

I mean, what is more infamous than Jennifer Gray's epic nose job post-production?

A Kardashian? Yes. A Kardashian is but there is not enough sunless tanner or regret to make me a Kardashian by Saturday, okay?

So, I am going to sport a prosthetic nose, a pink dress (or tank/skirt combo... depending on what TJ Maxx has for me at lunch) and some gold heels. I will also be curling/frizzing my hair like whoa. If only Baby had red hair. Eh- you win some, you lose some.

Here's hoping there's a Johnny Castle in the crowd. (May P Swayze rest.)

Here's what I don't have the body for but would have been fun:

Here's what I REALLY don't have the body for but would have been recognizable... maybe:

Here's what I'm gonna go for:

* Please don't miss the film's tagline, people. "First Dance. First Love. The time of your life." *

I will also dream of this happening because I am prone to big dreams:

Also, if I can't find pink outfit elements, I will go with the sundress, cardigan and watermelon look seen here: (quoting "I carried a watermelon...??" all night.)

I "do it all for you",

XO,
KK

OK.

I am out of the habit, y'all.

Whenever I come back to blogging after a season away, I feel compelled to bring you up to speed. I mean, it hasn't been a month, but still.

 I want to tell you that in the last month, I have:

- Taken to eating food that occurs in nature (as evidenced in the previous post).

- Taken to being kind to myself when I eat processed food (like that day at the cook out at work when I ate a hamburger *and* hot dog.)

- Gotten a promotion at work. I am no longer a Design Consultant for Emma... I am now the Emma Host who welcomes new clients. It is pretty thrilling to do something every day that I feel perfectly suited for.

- Booked an appointment to get my fillings replaced next week. ONLY in my adulthood would I be thrilled to get dental work while others get vacations. (who am I kidding? I still go on vacation.) Nevertheless, I'm pumped about getting mercury fillings removed and being metal free, y'all.

- Realized that from now to mid-January, I will attend 5 weddings! That does not even include the two I really wish I could attend but can't because of distance. I love love. I just do.

- Enjoyed really busy days, mostly busy nights and still manage to get some good sleep sometimes. This felt worth noting.

- Got the box set of Friday Night Lights from two dear friends I organized for. SO THRILLING. The only thing more thrilling is that they got SO into the organization of their basement and it is, honestly, a vision. Its incredibly gratifying. Seriously though, if you haven't watched FNL, you are missing out. Just ask Kristin who watched the series, in its entirety, in 2 weeks. Right, Kris?

- Had one of my oldest and dearest friends visit from Charleston with her sweet mama. It was a total blast and we explored Leiper's Fork while they were here. We also hung out with some firemen but that is an entirely different story.

- I got to NC to spend some AMAZING quality time with my college besties. It was just... amazing. I love them and they love me so well. Is there anything so sweet as that?

That feels like a good stopping point. I have so many things to be grateful for. Last night I had a great conversation with my friend Annie and we marveled at how, when you're talking with someone you love, its hard not to come back to a place of gratitude. Life can be kinda crappy at the time but there will still be an overwhelm of joy when you have someone loving remind you of the truth.

I am just grateful and happy.

xo

On (Un)Processing.

For starters, I am so out of the practice of daily blogging that you'll be getting periodic updates this month. Baby steps.

So, I am only ONE more sleep away from my annual getaway weekend with my college besties. Katherine, Heidi, Julie and I get together every year and we laugh, eat and love our way through the weekend. We ask each other hard questions, pass tissues when we cry and laugh hard at and with each other. I am excited to get to the mountains and not leave elastic pants the whole weekend. Woop!

Speaking of processing, I am avoiding processed foods like the plague, y'all.

I've only eaten food that grows out of the ground or clucks around the ground... you see what I mean. Lots of ground-centric eating. OH, and LaCroix. A girl has gotta have her vices.. even if it is just bubbly water.

Yesterday I had an amazing meal of deliciousness. Just look! I had chicken, brussel sprouts, zucchini, squash, black bean & corn salad and cabbage. I wish I could eat it again and again.

I'm really loving the new habit of checking the ingredients for something other than knowing the calories. I love that I'm checking for the number of ingredients and what they are. It is just plain nice to know precisely what I'm putting in my body. Its not like this Unprocessed-ness is all that dissimilar to how I've been eating for the last few months but it sure is a focused attention to the origin of my food and I rather love it.

I'm thankful for pretty food but I'm also really grateful for the gorgeous weather. It was a little warm this morning when we went to the "ground breaking" for the new Emma digs. The sun reminded us we're having a bit of an Indian Summer. Which I love. I already miss Summer and its barely out the door. :)

I'm also grateful for legs and feet that work, super red hair, a fun weekend ahead, good music and loving friends.

Good night.

Love,
Kelley

On Accomplishing... miles and meals.

Oh... was there ever riding.

Between October 1st and 2nd, I, Kelley Kirker (being of sound mind and body) rode my bicycle 114 miles. Yes, you read that correctly. I did that.

and IT RULED!

I am so proud to tell you that I did it! My legs are hating me today but I sure did it. :)

I shared some highlights with my supporters and here is what I wrote:

- I had my "brothers" with me!  My brother in law, Chad, and his brother, Blake, stayed with me the entire time. (For those of you who know Chad, you know that was a gift! He could easily have zoomed through the whole course as he is an exceptional cyclist. He chose to stay with me instead and I'll never forget it.) They were both such encouragers and totally dominated that ride! We covered 114 miles together and I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

- My legs took me 114 miles and I had NO vision trouble and NO numbness whatsoever!! It was just as much a mental challenge as it was a physical one. I'm so grateful! 

- My team (Team Emma) were able to raise over $8,000 for MS research! I'm so proud of our tiny team of 12 for accomplishing such a feat.

- We camped and did not become popsicles... even though I thought it *may* happen. It as a cold night in Lynchburg, TN,  y'all.

- The weather was pristine! We could not have asked for better weather as both days were gorgeous sunny days that never got above the mid 60s. Both days started quite chilly but we planned accordingly. (Another shout-out to Chad for the heads up!)

- Training (and the ride) made me realize how much I enjoy riding so I'll be doing a lot more of it this year! Which brings me to...

- We all signed up to do it again next year! (what have we done?!) Ha! It was such a great experience... hard but so good. I will need a few days to recover before I say I'm looking forward to it- but I am glad we "re-cycled", as they say. 

Here is a shot of my team in front of an enormous inflatable whiskey bottle... of course.

So, It was an amazing challenge and I am sort of welling up with pride over having accomplished it. Now, did you think I would let time pass before immediately taking on another challenge? Pshhhh. Don't be crazy. I have joined in with a few co-worker friends who have accepted the "No Processed October" challenge. That means not eating anything that doesn't occur in nature, basically. Our rule is that if you can't make it in your kitchen- don't eat it. (There goes gummy worms.) So, the truth is, I feel best when I'm eating well and I think avoiding things that are processed will be a great accompaniment to my eating overhauls of this year. (With the exception of Jack and Back, of course. I mean, every single piece of "food" was processed. Except for the cookout on Saturday night- that was good.)

Tonight, I did my weekly food shopping and snagged only foods that occur in nature or at least have ingredients I recognize. I'm super pumped because I gravitated to foods I buy regularly and realized that most things fall into the "no processed"category. Don't worry- there was also junk on every aisle that actually looked good but I resisted!

Today's meals included a smattering of eggs, greek salad with veggies and shrimp, sushi and honey crisp apples. Madeline (at Publix) was in to the challenge. She was impressed and even agreed to let me take a picture of her. I like documenting things.

Thanks for following my adventures, you guys. This month will be full of ways I am grateful. Today's is obvious. We shall see what tomorrow shall hold. Stay tuned. :)

on Seasons

Hey you- I am grateful for you.

I tend toward contemplation in the Fall and this year promises to be no exception. Interestingly, this blog has become a tool for just such an exercise. I mean, I am just as surprised as you are that this thing has lasted four years. FOUR years, you guys. (well, almost. In a couple months will be the 4 year marker.) I tend to look back at a day in my own history via my blog. Today, I indulged in September in years gone by. I find myself changed a bit. In good and bad ways, if I'm honest. I also find myself constant in some ways. (Always nice to not feel nuts every now and then.)

Just one week shy of a year ago, I started the goal of writing mostly stories here in this space. I wanted to step away from the Facebookery my blog had become and I leaned in to storytelling. Here, a year later, I feel like I still have stories to tell. I shall continue because, let's be real, I will continue to do and experience ridiculous things and I will want nay... need you to be a part. It just makes things funnier.

I have mentioned before that I like the idea of themes and seasons. I don't know, I guess I just like knowing what I'm working with. If you told me I had to eat only kale for a month, you better believe my mantra would become, "I can do anything for a month." Now, if it were open ended, I would laugh at you. So, I find myself a creature who loves a set time frame. (What control issues?) I think, in order to accomplish (a) a breath of fresh air for this blog and (b) an opportunity to glory in my neurosis, I will begin a year of monthly themes.

It is a little late in September to start now so I'll probably just start in October. Based upon an overwhelming acknowledgement of the good things in my life, the theme for October will be gratefulness. You will hear stories of gratitude, examples of it in my life, other people's stories and maybe even thoughts from a book or movie... I don't know. We're crazy around here.*

So, this theme thing will also be a means to get me back in the saddle. After a bit of a hiatus, I am ready and excited to get back in the groove of writing.

Good night, friends. More soon!
- Kelley

PS. I will have you fabulous people know that you helped me raise over $1,000 for the MS 150 "Jack and Back" bike ride I'll be doing in just a couple weeks. I am so thankful for your love and support!!

PPS. My hair is now reallllly red, you guys. Kristin did and I rather love it! In case you are like me rock and RSS feed and, therefore, never actually look at blogs any more, you may like to hop over and take a peek at the update I made to the old girl. Just updated my picture and the background but it switches things up nicely. Pretty soon, my friend is going to do a design for this thing and I'm pretty stoked. Stay tuned. ;)


*fine. its just me but doesn't it sound zany to say "we're crazy around here" over "I'm seriously crazy over here?" I think that point just made itself.

On "the biggest challenge yet".

I have started to write this post a handful of times. I planned when I would write it, how I would write it and *if* I would write it. Each time ended in the closing of my computer and the thought of saving it for another day.

It doesn't feel safe.

But I'm going to do it. I am going to share the personal on a very public stage. (Because it seems I have an international viewership, y'all.) Before I get started, I need you to know two things:

(a) I am nervous to share this with you because I fear your response. I don't dread your response. I fear it. I fear it because I know you will all mean well when you offer advice. I know your words will come from a well-meaning heart. I am just a little fragile right now and I am not ready to hear of every story, person and experience you have to share with me. Thank you, but no, I am not ready to make connections {about it} with those beyond my people yet. I am learning that my favorite response so far is not a solution but a simple admission that it sucks. Do with that what you will, my loves.

(b) I am OK. This is a post that has been considered over and over. I am ready to share it. Be gentle.

Here goes. In February of this year, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was a devastation but not a shock. If you have been reading for any amount of time, you know I have had on and off again struggles with eye trouble. (Specifically recurrent Optic Neuritis.) While the two years of eye woes were troublesome (and even involved an eye patch for a season), they were not reason enough for the real worry. Until, Christmas Day, I woke up with a numb left leg. After a few days of denial and confusion, I finally made myself say the words out loud to another person. I told Erin and she let me know it was time to call my neurologist. A month later, after a spinal tap, spinal headache and some serious love and support from my people, I was given a new title to add to my story- MS patient.

I have had it fairly easy, friends. As far as MS goes, I am so fortunate to have had blurred vision and numbness as my experience. I am not saying it is easy but I get that I am fortunate. With that said, I am currently battling a bout of profound numbness (yet, somehow, pain too... rude) in both feet and my left leg. It is completely frustrating to have trouble getting around and I will be glad when it passes. If I had to say one nice thing about MS, I would say it is a disease of seasons. How wonderful to know this one will pass. That is mercy.

In order to share that info with you, I must share the other half. My thoughts and truths so far:

1. I am so loved that it is scary. I actually don't know what to do about it and that makes me the most fortunate girl you know.
2. I am afraid but not despairing. There is a difference.
3. I cannot do next week yet. I can do tomorrow. It is my new mode of operation.
4. I am amazed by the amount of homeopathic solutions available.
5. I do not want to take injections for the rest of my life but I am not going to spit on progress either. I am just not ready to start them yet (and hope I never will be.)
6. MS will be part of my story but it won't be the whole story.
7. I go through emotional changes, regarding my diagnosis, rather often. One day I am empowered and the next I am just sad. I have touched down everywhere in between. This will be the case forever. If we talk about this face to face, please don't be alarmed if I laugh about it or if I cry. I wear both hats every day.

There are many more thoughts I have about this disease and the community surrounding it. I won't share it all here, though. I could spend an hour listing the people who have spoken life into my situation- breathed hope. I can't list them all. I could share all of my specific fears but I won't give in to them tonight.

So, why now? Why share this 6 months later? Well, I'm glad you asked. I am participating in a bike race the first weekend in October. It is called "Jack and Back" and will be a bike ride from Nashville to the Jack Daniels distillery in Lynchburg. I am riding with my team from work and my brother in law, Chad, is even coming to ride with us! I am looking forward to the challenge and hope I can do it well! It is 150 miles split over 2 days and will require a new wave of gumption from yours truly. I am up to it and growing more and more excited each day. If you would like to, check out my PAGE.

I have no plans to start writing about MS in this space (where we tell stories.) I am not ready for that. I just needed to let you in on my life and, even though it is scary, mom reminded me- I am not a person without Hope.

xo.

Carolism

I must interrupt this story telling series for a small shout-out to Carol. This morning, while on her way to her new doctor (one of the steps of moving from North to South Carolina), she gave me a call. After a delightful chat, this happened:

me: So, I'll just give you a call tomorrow.
Carol: Oh shoot- where is that hospital. UGH- I'm a terrible person.
me: MOM!
Carol: No- I'm not. I meant to say, "I'm a terrible person with directions."
me: well, that's true.
Carol: OH GOOD- there's a helicopter. I'll follow it. Bye!
me: oh, lord.

Ain't no party like a Carol Kirker party cuz a Carol Kirker party don't stop.