True Confessions: Saturday edition

I am rarely a writer on Saturdays. I tend to get caught up in activities... but today is different.

I am holed up in my room. That's right. I'm 30 and I am hiding in my room to avoid interaction with Alice.

Who is Alice? How much time do you have?

Let me start with some background to our house. I live (for only 3 weeks more) in a gorgeous neighborhood in a prime location. The problem is that the house itself seems to be expelling us. It is all but falling down around us while we watch. As if that weren't bad enough, there is mold and the worst carpet you have ever seen. (*sidenote: when Chancey's mom paid to have it cleaned, the Stanley Steamer guy said, "this carpet will be like your favorite t-shirt... ugly as sin but technically clean." He was right.*)

The reason that our house is such a piece is because our home owner is in her 90's. Who could possibly be expected to maintain a property at that age? Continence is probably all her schedule can hold and that is questionable, ok? So, she hired a woman to manage it for her. That woman happens to also live in her home and care for her when needed.

Enter Alice. Alice is a woman in her 40's who could pass for a woman in her 60's. Homegirl has done a lot of living. She's a trooper and an incredibly hard worker and it takes approximately 12 seconds to see that she has never put herself first. There are a million notable things about her, but specifically, Alice has the most unique voice you have ever heard. All I am saying is that her voice makes people from the most remote part of East Tennessee sound like Rhodes Scholars.

I distinctly remember the day I walked in our home, after a long day of work, to Alice standing 3 inches from the TV screen. Maybe 2 and half. What happened next has become a staple any time I decide it is the right time to wow a crowd with my impersonations. She rambled for a solid three minutes about how horrified she was by the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith. (who wasn't?) The wonder of it all was that she never (a) came up for breath or (b) repeated a single word twice. I caught, "I don't never wanna live in a world where a girl caint just raise her baby in peace, I swear, that girl had to lose weight takin some drug and I bet that's what did her in".

So, Alice has been known to sneak attack and just stop by the house unannounced. It is usually because, God love her, she is quick to respond to anything that needs fixing in the house. In fact, her visits are part of how we welcome the newest roommate. We make them answer the door. Its that good.

Today, Alice is here to work on the yard. Her unwilling son has been roped into this manual labor and I'm not going to be next. As I hide in my room, I can hear her screeching orders to her pre-teen child who looks like he would rather be playing World of Warcraft. It has me wanting to clean my room, honestly.

So, today, as I would rather be stretched out on the couch just because, I will be busy at work in my room, making no discernible noise, trying not to be discovered. Shhhhh.

back in action!

yesterday (and by that, I mean the last 24 hours) were LONG.

Long and brutal.

I had an unrelenting stomach bug and it was not pretty. True to the promises "they" make, I had it only 24 hours! Hallelujah!

I would like to thank the following people for my renewed gusto:

- Anna McCoy for her quick thinking and Gatorade purchasing. It saved me from hours of prolonged dehydration and provided my sustenance for the day. She also checked on me all day/night and was the perfect nurse.

- Pedialyte for their production of a beverage that walks the fine line between sweet and salty- Grape delight full of replenishing goodness.

- My fan and sound machine that did their best to drown out the blaring mariachi music (insisting its way into my room) from the workmen next door.

- Cottonelle. For obvious reasons.

- the show "Glee" that kept me entertained through pained eyes on Tuesday night.

- My co-workers for insisting I stay put in my bed.

- My dad. For having had the exact same bug a few weeks ago and telling me it would end- bestowing hope.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd, scene.

Re-cap.

you know me.

Sometimes there's just so much ground to cover that only a bulleted list will do. :)

- Chelsea turned 25
- We celebrated by shooting guns at a place called "Gun City"
- I hated it.
- C and I went to Kentucky to play on a lake with Erica all day yesterday- so fun!!
- As I was dropping off Chelsea, my car overheated at the airport. Way to start my Tuesday.
- THE nicest tow truck driver EV brought my ride to a place where the fixed it same day.
- I signed my lease today and will move after the 15th!
- It is a short week but already feels long.
- I have been obsessively popping my ears... have I lost it?? This lunacy is not recommended for someone with TMJ.

SO, there you have it. I'm a hot mess, y'all.