A Future and a Hope

As i begin this post, i am tempted to do what i usually do... keep it light. make you laugh, etc. Tonight i have to just be honest and tell you whats going on inside of me. I was just reminded by my roommate that the capability to be honest is something i appreciate in others SO much- why would i not do the same?

so- if you do not enjoy the realities of a messy spirituality... you will probably want to stop reading now.

For the rest of you- here's what i am working through.

I tend to settle. In nearly every area of my life, my first tendency is to settle for the easier, more exciting, more comfortable, less difficult, more sexy options out there. I guess on some level it comes down to laziness- don't want to "put the work" in. I think that ultimately it is something bigger. Allow me to cut away to thoughts from the sermon tonight.

The passage we studied was Genesis 29 where we heard about Jacob's (pardon the expression) 'duping' by his father-in-law. Jacob was in love with Rachel but her father tricked Jacob into marrying her sister Leah first. Jacob worked for years and years to be with Rachel and she was his beloved. Leah is the one to be pitied in this story- destined to knowingly live as the less-loved wife. The crazy part of the story is how Jacob wakes up the morning after the first wedding and, surprise! he's now married to Leah instead of Rachel. What disappointment and confusion he must have felt.

Craig suggested, this evening, that anything we hope (in the deep sense- meaning trusting/ waiting expectantly) for except Christ is going to "Leah." Bottom line- any relationship, business venture, personal goal, need: spiritual, mental, or physical, or dream that is not rooted in the Person of Christ will be nothing more than a cheap imitation of the real thing. It can only hope to be, at best, a disappointment.

Now, i am not one to quickly process information. It takes me a little longer than most. I have been allowing that truth to swirl around in my brain since earlier this evening. I keep coming back to what Craig mentioned at the end of the sermon and it is this: The answer is to be the loved... not religious. All the religion stuff would mean trotting home to read my Bible (not bad.. just not the right thing when it is on a checklist), pray more, help old ladies across the street. Being "the loved" means simply embracing the Christ.

That sounds so wonderful to me. if i am honest with you, though, there's a disconnect for me. I do not know how to be the loved without the religion stuff. My idea of "reconnecting" is to do the religion stuff. I need to simply stand in wonder at the fact that my Savior has delivered me- especially from settling for the cheap imitations i start to believe are the best i deserve.

I need to sit here in it (all of the Truth) and absorb.

Do you know how to "be" without "doing"?

Catch Up and Patriotism

Somehow i keep getting behind at the updates. Ok... here you have it.

I WON THE BIGGEST LOSER for our family!! you should know that i won because i lost 7 pounds. It turns out that i am really the only one who even attempted, but ladies and gentlemen- it was for dolla bills! this girl is gloating all the way to the bank! Perhaps i will continue to recommend games that i can win!

Tonight we (a bunch o' ladies) celebrated Chancey Philips. Chancey Pants (as i call her) turned 24 today. In order to make much of her special day, we all ate a fine greek dinner complete with a band. It made me want to scream "OOOOPAH"! Fabulous food. We did a quick costume change and a tranzish over to the sportsplex for an evening of ice skating. Our dress up theme was, "Red, White, and Blue: these colors don't run". I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

Birthday Girl!

the crew

I made a wrap out of blue tights...

Sidenote: It feels like Wednesday to me. So glad it is the weekend! How else could i be watching "Hope Floats" at midnight and falling in love with Harry Connick Jr. all over again?!

Resolute

So... after a slight hiatus, i am back. that's right- and ready to roll with my yearly resolutions. I suppose it should be mentioned that my college friends and i annually make lists of goals for the year, so i tend to view New Years as a secondary priority. nevertheless, i am down for making some resolutions. I mean... who doesn't love a clean slate from which to operate?!

My idea is to set goals i find complete pleasure in meeting... thus- pressures off! you should know that i have freed myself up from my previous goal of finishing an Ironman before the age of 30. I mean... i suppose it could still happen, but i needed to free up. in the last three years i have finished 7 tri's: 6 sprints and one of them being a full length beast. i need to celebrate that and free myself up for doing something different that i enjoy. when you're this A.D.D., you gotta toss it up! So, where was i? oh yes- resolutions!

In the theme of fun goals, one is to see more movies. i stole this from Sarah June. it seemed wonderful to me. I secretly love a good matinee by my lonesome... perhaps this is my year to make that a habit.

Secondly, i said i would like to kiss more. OK, OK.... thats silly and a tad (OK, totally) self serving, but who doesn't get excited about fulfilling it?? i digress..

thirdly, i made the annual weight loss commitment. this year i want a Britney body.... pre-baby of course! i am all about taking advantage of time and money to control myself. this is my year!

lastly and not least, i have resolved to blog regularly! this goes beyond serving the masses and touches on my need to document my life. so... here's to you!

So, friend... what are yours?